Two Years to Type 1 Diabetes

It's amazing what a difference one little year makes. This time last year, I was "celebrating" my one year diaversary and reflecting on some realizations I had in my first year as a type 1 diabetic (that article can be found here if you're interested). After re-reading that post, all of those things I reflected on still hold true today. BUT - there have been some MAJOR advances in my thinking as well. As fate would have it, my two year anniversary happens to fall on the same date as the JDRF Imagine Gala, which I am so fortunate to be able to attend tonight (thank you, JR!). As always, the goal is still finding (and funding) a cure. If you happen to be moved by any of this, or just want to support the cause, you can donate directly to JDRF's Fund A Cure here - and if you do so, please let me know so I can properly THANK YOU!

So here we go...

1. Get a Pump! Or at Least Look Into Getting One...
I literally NEVER thought I would be the person to get a pump. I hated the idea of having something constantly attached to my body. I wasn't taking much insulin daily anyways, and my numbers were decent enough (a1c has consistently been under 7%) that I thought I didn't need one. I tried it out anyways and seriously... game changer. My numbers are so much better since being on the pump and I definitely don't miss the multiple daily injections. The ease and accuracy at which you can dose insulin has made a world of difference in my life and pens are now a thing of the past. Pumping changed my life.

2. The Value of Nutrition
This area is fairly new to me in relation to diabetes because I thought I had it all figured out (eat less carbs, and your

variability decreases, therefore decreasing the chances that your numbers will be all over the place). But, there's so much new research out there regarding how your body burns fat just as well as it burns glucose (also known as being in ketosis, not to be confused with ketoacidosis). There's still a lot I have to learn here so I won't spend a lot of time on it, but the bottom line is this: NUTRITION is the single most important factor in managing diabetes successfully. Every doctor will tell you that you can eat what you want (and you can) but eating what you want will not make you feel and perform at your best. I'm trying to be my best each and every day and the only way to do that is through nutrition. There's just no cutting corners on this one.

3. Don't Hide the Fact That You're Type 1!
Listen... let me put a disclaimer on this one. This is 100% a personal choice, but let me tell you why I choose not to keep it as a secret. I am currently taking the last of my prerequisite classes for nursing school (eek!) and we were looking at blood smears under the microscope trying to identify white blood cells. The class was curious about how those slides are made, and our professor wanted to show us but couldn't find a needle in the classroom to prick his finger. I sort of became the weird kid in class who just happened to have a finger stick in my purse, because DUH. So my professor then says "Let's talk later, I wrote a whole book on diabetes." Um, what?! He's a neurosurgeon and he wrote a book on diabetes. Turns out, he has an interesting perspective on diabetes and I never would have been able to learn from him had I not disclosed my condition in a classroom of strangers.
*Side note on this - one of my classmates thought I was going to pass whatever was "in my blood" to my professor by doing that. And like... I know I never change the lancet for myself, but come on! Oh and also, diabetes isn't contagious. Face palm. But, it was a moment I had to educate him a little bit about diabetes so I'll take that as a win.

4. When Your Passions Come Full Circle as a Wake-up Call From the Big Man Upstairs
In September I was fortunate enough to find an amazing diabetes doctor in Anne Peters, who believes in me sometimes more than I believe in myself. At my very first appointment with her, she kept asking me why I wasn't in medicine because I have this natural ability for understanding it all. That conversation sparked up a decade old dream that once upon a time began with a pre-med major at UCLA. I failed chemistry my first year and thought that maybe science just wasn't for me. Never mind the fact that I couldn't put down my neuroscience book and called my mom after every class to tell her EVERY SINGLE THING I learned that day. I ended up quitting pre-med because of that one class. This might sound crazy but there are times when I believe God gave me diabetes as a wake-up call, one that was meant to reinvigorate my love of science and stimulate this deep, burning desire that I have to go and make a real difference in the lives of other people. Whether or not you believe in God isn't really the point here. The point is that sometimes it takes years to figure out your place in this world. And sometimes that means you are on the verge of entering your 30s as you return to school. Again. For the third time. (Insert nervous breakdown here). Ha - just kidding! :)

5. The Hardest Part about Having Type 1 for Me
I was only diagnosed two years ago, and I lived 27 years without it. But I cannot for the life of me remember what life was like before all the finger pricks and the insulin injections and the carb counting. I look at other people eating whatever they want and I envy them for a moment, not because I want to eat what they're eating, but because I can't even remember what that was like to not have to make a million decisions a day. So for me, the hardest part about having diabetes has been having to make choices that I never had to make before.

Silver Linings
In some ways, it's gotten harder to be diabetic because "the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know" (hello Albert Einstein). The thing that I want people to understand about diabetes is that it is different for every person. Doctors, educators and your peers can only give you so much information and advice but at the end of the day, we're all guinea pigs (or lab rats) in one giant science experiment - and we're each our own researcher. We're also our own advocates, our own doctors, our own voice, and our own teachers. You're going to have to experiment on yourself to find out what works best for YOU and it's going to take years to figure it out. But hey, don't give up though okay because diabetes doesn't own you. The strength that comes from having to take control of your own life is unbelievable and I've grown in ways I never thought possible. I am so incredibly thankful to be alive.

Manage it in a way that it fits your life.

Got questions or comments?! I'd love to hear from you! Find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram...@explora_torrey

xo
Torrey 

PS - As always, thank you Alicia for saving my life :) 
And thank you from the bottom of my heart to my friends and family who have stuck by my side through this journey and have put up with me through all the blood sugar rollercoaster rides. Love you all!

The Diagnosis

I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes exactly two weeks ago today, on May 14, 2014. After a three year struggle with a ton of random symptoms and no answers, I finally got the phone call that would change my life, for the better I'd like to think.

Three years ago, I got really sick. Now when I say sick, I'm talking 103 fever for a week, unable to eat, couldn't keep food or anything at all in my system, plagued with shakes and shivers and sweats. I lost 20lbs and couldn't gain it back for a year. You can read more about it in a previous blog post here. The doctors just said it was a nasty virus, that I had parasites. After that, I began my three year battle with negative test results and being treated for things I didn't have. All of a sudden, I had skin rashes and welts, was being treated for stomach ulcers and undergoing an $1000+ endoscopy, and saw a GI specialist. All tests came back negative. Those symptoms started to go away about a year after they began.

Then last August, I noticed swelling in my left leg. I had been at the lake hiking and camping and wakeboarding and thought maybe I pulled or twisted something, or was bitten by a bug of some sorts. I came back to LA with the swelling and it never went down. I ended up seeing a podiatrist, an orthopedist and had an ultrasound for blood clots, an MRI and XRay to look for torn ligaments or broken bones. Nothing hurt, and all those tests came back negative as well. I then reached out to a vascular surgeon who suggested I see a lymph specialist. I probably would have spent more time in her office had they accepted my insurance- and thank God they didn't.

About six weeks ago, I started telling my trainer about my leg swelling and other symptoms that I was experiencing; waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, sudden shakes and sweats and blacking out in the middle of the day, etc. It was then that she told me she was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes about six months ago and had been having a lot of similar symptoms. I still didn't believe that I had diabetes. One Sunday afternoon, I was walking in Venice with my sister and another friend and I had another episode where I started to get shaky and sweaty all of a sudden. Once again, the conversation led back to diabetes. I decided maybe I should go in.

I made an appointment with my primary doctor to get a blood test. When I went in and showed her the swelling in my leg, she prescribed me blood thinners and referred me to a bone and muscle tumor specialist and ignored my request for a blood test. It was time to take matters into my own hands.

I called the endocrinology department at UCLA the next day and made an appointment to get my blood drawn. My initial blood tests came back with higher than normal blood glucose levels and my doctor told me I had "prediabetes." WHAT?!

She ordered another round of blood tests to be done (which were horrible but I'll save that for another post). She was looking for certain hormones and antibodies that would indicate if it was Type 1 or Type 2. (More on the difference between Type 1 and Type 2 in a a later post.) To make a long story short, she called me the morning of May 14, 2014 to tell me that my tests came back very positive for Type 1. I went in to see her that day and was immediately sent to the pharmacist where I left with over $100 of insulin and insulin testing supplies, a blood glucose meter, and no direction on how to use any of this stuff. 

To be clear, I had been praying for something to be positive so I could finally have an explanation for all the things I had experienced over the past couple years. When I got that phone call, I was actually really relieved. It's funny to think that relief was my first emotion but in a way, my trainer had prepared me for this sort of diagnosis. I felt like it would all be ok.

Then I had to start telling certain people- my family, friends and my work. Let me tell you something- the worst part about this diagnosis isn't that my pancreas doesn't produce insulin correctly, it isn't that I could gain weight from the artificial insulin I have to use now, it isn't that I have to prick my finger 6 times a day or inject myself with insulin every night or even the fact that I have a potentially life-threatening illness. The worst part of it all is that all of a sudden I'm in the spotlight and receiving more attention than ever before.

Let me clarify. I feel tremendously guilty and extremely ungrateful for saying that. I am so beyond grateful for the outpouring of love and support I have received. I guess what I mean to say is that everyone has their own struggles that they deal with and mine is no different. People assume I must be "devastated" with such a diagnosis and the thing is, I'm not. Life goes on and nothing has changed for me except for a few finger pricks and injections here and there.

The truth of the matter is, I don't want my peers (close family and friends) to begin to resent me for the attention this disease has garnered for me. I do need their support and understanding because there will be days where I absolutely don't feel well. But don't we all have days like that?

I didn't ask for this to be a part of my life, but it is. In fact, I begged people not to treat me any differently because I don't see this as an "uphill battle" that I now have to fight. I see this diagnosis as a part of my life that maybe one day, with any luck, will inspire others. A life that might grant insight and shed some light on the illness in adults. A life that perhaps one day could provide some kind of scientific research for doctors that could help save someone else's life. God has a plan and it's bigger and better than any plan I could have ever had for myself. I'm strong enough to handle this and brave enough to do it with a smile on my face, and it's all because my strength comes from the Lord. This disease, while potentially life-threatening, is no different than the many different kinds of struggles you all face everyday. This one just happens to be mine.

Life is so beautiful and even when it's ugly, there is still light. And until heaven meets earth, I am still going to live life the way He intended us to live it- full of love and rich with purpose.

The power of prayer is true and it's real. Don't waste another day unhappy- we've all got something we're dealing with and you never know when one phone call could change your life.