Two Years to Type 1 Diabetes

It's amazing what a difference one little year makes. This time last year, I was "celebrating" my one year diaversary and reflecting on some realizations I had in my first year as a type 1 diabetic (that article can be found here if you're interested). After re-reading that post, all of those things I reflected on still hold true today. BUT - there have been some MAJOR advances in my thinking as well. As fate would have it, my two year anniversary happens to fall on the same date as the JDRF Imagine Gala, which I am so fortunate to be able to attend tonight (thank you, JR!). As always, the goal is still finding (and funding) a cure. If you happen to be moved by any of this, or just want to support the cause, you can donate directly to JDRF's Fund A Cure here - and if you do so, please let me know so I can properly THANK YOU!

So here we go...

1. Get a Pump! Or at Least Look Into Getting One...
I literally NEVER thought I would be the person to get a pump. I hated the idea of having something constantly attached to my body. I wasn't taking much insulin daily anyways, and my numbers were decent enough (a1c has consistently been under 7%) that I thought I didn't need one. I tried it out anyways and seriously... game changer. My numbers are so much better since being on the pump and I definitely don't miss the multiple daily injections. The ease and accuracy at which you can dose insulin has made a world of difference in my life and pens are now a thing of the past. Pumping changed my life.

2. The Value of Nutrition
This area is fairly new to me in relation to diabetes because I thought I had it all figured out (eat less carbs, and your

variability decreases, therefore decreasing the chances that your numbers will be all over the place). But, there's so much new research out there regarding how your body burns fat just as well as it burns glucose (also known as being in ketosis, not to be confused with ketoacidosis). There's still a lot I have to learn here so I won't spend a lot of time on it, but the bottom line is this: NUTRITION is the single most important factor in managing diabetes successfully. Every doctor will tell you that you can eat what you want (and you can) but eating what you want will not make you feel and perform at your best. I'm trying to be my best each and every day and the only way to do that is through nutrition. There's just no cutting corners on this one.

3. Don't Hide the Fact That You're Type 1!
Listen... let me put a disclaimer on this one. This is 100% a personal choice, but let me tell you why I choose not to keep it as a secret. I am currently taking the last of my prerequisite classes for nursing school (eek!) and we were looking at blood smears under the microscope trying to identify white blood cells. The class was curious about how those slides are made, and our professor wanted to show us but couldn't find a needle in the classroom to prick his finger. I sort of became the weird kid in class who just happened to have a finger stick in my purse, because DUH. So my professor then says "Let's talk later, I wrote a whole book on diabetes." Um, what?! He's a neurosurgeon and he wrote a book on diabetes. Turns out, he has an interesting perspective on diabetes and I never would have been able to learn from him had I not disclosed my condition in a classroom of strangers.
*Side note on this - one of my classmates thought I was going to pass whatever was "in my blood" to my professor by doing that. And like... I know I never change the lancet for myself, but come on! Oh and also, diabetes isn't contagious. Face palm. But, it was a moment I had to educate him a little bit about diabetes so I'll take that as a win.

4. When Your Passions Come Full Circle as a Wake-up Call From the Big Man Upstairs
In September I was fortunate enough to find an amazing diabetes doctor in Anne Peters, who believes in me sometimes more than I believe in myself. At my very first appointment with her, she kept asking me why I wasn't in medicine because I have this natural ability for understanding it all. That conversation sparked up a decade old dream that once upon a time began with a pre-med major at UCLA. I failed chemistry my first year and thought that maybe science just wasn't for me. Never mind the fact that I couldn't put down my neuroscience book and called my mom after every class to tell her EVERY SINGLE THING I learned that day. I ended up quitting pre-med because of that one class. This might sound crazy but there are times when I believe God gave me diabetes as a wake-up call, one that was meant to reinvigorate my love of science and stimulate this deep, burning desire that I have to go and make a real difference in the lives of other people. Whether or not you believe in God isn't really the point here. The point is that sometimes it takes years to figure out your place in this world. And sometimes that means you are on the verge of entering your 30s as you return to school. Again. For the third time. (Insert nervous breakdown here). Ha - just kidding! :)

5. The Hardest Part about Having Type 1 for Me
I was only diagnosed two years ago, and I lived 27 years without it. But I cannot for the life of me remember what life was like before all the finger pricks and the insulin injections and the carb counting. I look at other people eating whatever they want and I envy them for a moment, not because I want to eat what they're eating, but because I can't even remember what that was like to not have to make a million decisions a day. So for me, the hardest part about having diabetes has been having to make choices that I never had to make before.

Silver Linings
In some ways, it's gotten harder to be diabetic because "the more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know" (hello Albert Einstein). The thing that I want people to understand about diabetes is that it is different for every person. Doctors, educators and your peers can only give you so much information and advice but at the end of the day, we're all guinea pigs (or lab rats) in one giant science experiment - and we're each our own researcher. We're also our own advocates, our own doctors, our own voice, and our own teachers. You're going to have to experiment on yourself to find out what works best for YOU and it's going to take years to figure it out. But hey, don't give up though okay because diabetes doesn't own you. The strength that comes from having to take control of your own life is unbelievable and I've grown in ways I never thought possible. I am so incredibly thankful to be alive.

Manage it in a way that it fits your life.

Got questions or comments?! I'd love to hear from you! Find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram...@explora_torrey

xo
Torrey 

PS - As always, thank you Alicia for saving my life :) 
And thank you from the bottom of my heart to my friends and family who have stuck by my side through this journey and have put up with me through all the blood sugar rollercoaster rides. Love you all!

Treating and Retreating

 

For as long as I've been practicing yoga, I have been wanting to attend a yoga retreat. Something about the word "retreat" has a wonderfully intriguing and raw feel to me. I've researched retreats all over the world in exotic and beautiful places like Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Bali...

...and as much as I'd love to fly away to some remote destination in another country during my spring break, I ended up choosing a yoga retreat near my hometown just outside of San Luis Obispo, Ca. (It's called Sagrada Wellness and I can't wait to tell you how it is!) It's a bit ironic that in seeking a moment to run away from all the stressors in my current every day life, and desperately hoping for a chance to reconnect with myself and the world, that I chose the city with which I am most familiar - the one place I still call home. I won't even need a map to get there.

Take a minute to think about the last twelve months that you've had, or maybe even just focus on the last six. Something has changed, right? Maybe you've moved, or started dating someone new... maybe you've accepted a new position somewhere or gone back to school... maybe you've just found out you're having a baby, or perhaps you celebrated another milestone in your child's life. Or maybe you've even dealt with loss. Whatever it is, you've had change. Me too.

Things that I once was passionate about no longer excite me and I've spent the better half of the last year making decisions that will completely uproot and change my life moving forward. During the past twelve months, I've been blessed with gifts of opportunity, challenge, new friendships, and love.

I know none of us wake up with the power to see into the future and sometimes that is what makes life scary (even though we tell ourselves it's what makes life fun). But in the scariness of it all, I believe that making positive choices for ourselves regardless of our uncertain situations is what will lead us to a calm place of knowing that everything comes to you in just the right moment. We just have to be patient.

That brings me to this retreat. Work has slowed down after we just finished our biggest event of the year and I have finally been able to "let go" of the tight grip the event had on my mind. I've finally been able to take myself off autopilot and get back to doing the things that bring me joy like cooking, hiking, reading, and dare I say it - writing again! There's room now for enjoyment of life's greatest treasures.

In reflecting on this post, it dawns on me that this is the kind of consideration one usually engages in right before the New Year. But setting meaningful intentions, reachable goals, and creating purpose for yourself and your life can happen in any moment or any month or any minute where you have created space and allowed yourself to engage with - yep, you guessed it - yourself.

As powerful as those moments are, even they can be scary too. Choosing to become a better version of yourself means that you have to face your imperfections while consciously choosing to adjust, grow, and develop. I've recently become addicted to SoulCycle not just for the sweat dripping workout I get, but because I always leave class with a compelling thought - one that really engages me. Shout out to Julia at the Culver City SoulCycle for leaving me with this last time:

Staying is always easier, but it doesn't mean happiness is on the other side. Choose to make that difficult decision.

I know it's impracticable to never encounter any stress in our daily lives because things do change and things happen. Stress can motivate us and it can help us reach our goals. (For more about how to make stress your superpower by the way, check out Stress Monkee - amazing community and great tips to help you manage your stress!) But for me at least, the amount of stress I was feeling led me to be a flighty friend, sister, daughter. It completely consumed my life and my thoughts and I had no room to do the things that I wanted to do, the things that made me happy, and at the end of the day, I had nothing left to give to anyone else, especially those I love very much. I was emotionally depleted. I never want to feel that mountain of stress again.

This yoga retreat isn't some raging, exciting plan for my spring break, and it won't end with the stories like the ones from trips to Mexico I've had in the past (forgive me, mom!). I don't want to force myself to think about anything and I don't want to create expectations for myself because I truly don't know what to expect (other than some yoga classes and some hiking trails). I do want to let each moment happen as it does and I want to focus on being present in each of those moments. Any thinking beyond those moments serves no purpose, as life cannot be read in the way in which we read a novel from beginning to end - it must be lived.

Looking forward to sharing my experiences when I get back!

xo,
T