I’m not turning thirty this year. I’m turning three.
Now, I know what you may be thinking. Three year olds don’t quit their full time jobs or move to a new city,
or change careers all together. And sometimes three year olds can be
unreasonable and have meltdowns under stress. While that may be true, this
major transitional period in my life feels an awful lot like the major growth
developments seen in that of a toddler. And if I’m being honest, the way my mom
describes me as a three-year-old girl pretty much sums me up today too.
Because I gave up the stress and the worry from things that
weren’t positively serving me, I’ve been able to focus on what’s important
again. I’m relearning through the exploration of life and I’m rediscovering how
to use all my senses again. I’m seeing the world in a whole new light.
During this past month without a job or a permanent place to
live, I’ve learned more about myself than I have over the past couple years.
I’ve been forced to face what matters. I’ve learned that I don’t need all my
“stuff” – I’m talking clothes, shoes, furniture, etc. I don’t need all of that.
I don’t even need a lot of money. But what I do need are my close friends and
family and a home base where I feel safe. I’ve learned who my true friends are
and I’ve learned how to ask for help. I’ve validated how important it is for me
to always be willing to take people in during times of struggle, change, or
transition and allow them to feel as at home as possible.
The greatest compliment I’ve ever received has nothing to do
with how I look or what I’m wearing and I’ll never forget the first time I
heard it. I was in high school and a friend came over to hang out and I told
him to relax, get comfortable and take his shoes off. He replied that his feet
stank so he would leave his shoes on. I remember telling him to stop being
silly, that all our feet stink, and to take them off and get comfortable. I had
no idea in that moment that I had had such a profound impact on him, but he
later told me that I always made him feel right at home. To this day, that is
still my proudest achievement in life. Did I make you feel better by listening
to you, understanding you were hurting, and then trying to fix it by giving you
a hug? See, isn’t that what three year olds do?!
Sharing with others, cooking with others, and being warm and
welcoming to others is so incredibly important to me. I’ve learned that it is
possible to love so hard and not be loved in return but that the unequal
distribution of love doesn’t mean you should ever close off your heart.
Sometimes people aren’t in the time or place in their life where they can give
you what you can give them, and that’s ok. Give anyways and don’t let them go. We
all need each other. Platonic friendships are equally as important to invest in
as romantic relationships. It’s ok to build a support system, and a very large
one at that. Make sure to ask for help if you’re lost or confused. Three year
olds do it.
Fear is the only thing that cripples us and turns us into
people we don’t want to be. Honesty is still always the best policy. Being open
doesn’t make you stupid to love or to trust. It makes you wise beyond your
years and allows a story to be written on your heart. Faith in God will wake
you up each and every morning with a smile on your face and hope for a brighter
day. It allows you to put one foot in front of the other even though you can’t
see past your own two feet. Faith gives you the gift of being able to live in
the present, knowing it’s all going to work out in the end. It allows trust in
the journey, not the destination.
Finally, I’ve stopped caring about what day it is and what
time it is. Three year olds don’t care about time, so why should I? I’ve been
able to slow down the pace of my life so much that I’ve been able to think for
myself again. I’ve been able to write, to create, to read, and to really, truly
listen to others again. I lost that crucial piece of my soul when I was
consumed with stress and worry. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like
myself again. I am my three-year-old self with eyes full of wonder and a
passion for life, who wants to play and create and love, and who can’t stop
smiling or giving people hugs.
Happy 3rd Birthday to me :)
xo
T
