May 14, 2014:
"You have type one diabetes."
May 14, 2015:
I've got a ton of visible little holes in my fingers from the 2,190 finger pricks I've done in the past year, and the 1,400 insulin injections usually leave pretty little blue bruises on my thighs and stomach. I'm a regular at the pharmacy and getting my blood drawn is a normal thing for me these days- I don't even pass out from it anymore!
I've counted thousands and thousands of carbs (not calories) and spent over $1,500 from my own pocket (after what I thought was good insurance) for doctor visits and medications. I make decisions on what and when to eat, how much insulin to give, and what kind of exercise I should do based on an educated-guess-kind-of-a-system that sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. And I live with type 1 diabetes 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and 365 days a year.
The way I see it, diabetes is a lot like coaching basketball (which I
have been doing for the past 8 years). Basketball is an avenue I use to
teach kids about important life lessons. Diabetes has turned out to be the same kind of
avenue for me. It's my path, my journey, my fight- and it's only a small part of who
I am at the end of the day.
But even with all these numbers and constant reminders that I no longer lead a "normal" life, I want to share with you my top 10 reflections on my first year with type 1 diabetes, because it's not all bad!
1. Hunger and Low Blood Sugar are NOT the Same Thing (but they sometimes feel that way...)
I'll admit it- I'm one of those "hangry" people that suffers in intolerable ways from being hungry. Headaches, mood swings, sweating, shaking.... Sounds like an episode of hypoglycemia, right? If I've ever let myself go too long without eating, I'll find myself with these symptoms and in a panic, I immediately check my blood sugar convinced that it must be low- and sometimes it is. But sometimes, I'm just fine. Be patient, recognize the difference and as much as possible, be prepared to eat or treat either way.
2. Low Blood Sugars Aren't a Treat, and You Shouldn't Treat Them with a Treat
I
started wanting to induce lows so I could have some cookies because I
felt like that was the only way I could indulge in some of the sweet
treats I used to enjoy. But to be honest, when my blood
sugar is low, I don't even enjoy the cookies because I'm usually shoving
my face full of them to try and bring my blood sugar back up as fast as
possible. Treat with glucose tabs or shot blocks and have a plan so when you're low you don't panic in the moment.
3. You Can Pretend You Don't Have Diabetes, but it Doesn't Make it Disappear
This is the honest truth of my disease and for everyone with type 1. I like cookies and ice cream just as much as you and there are definitely times where I just don't want to count the carbs and dose the insulin. I just don't. But (and this is a BIG BUT- no pun intended)- with anything in life, it works out better for you when you accept the truth of the matter and face it head on. Don't lie to yourself because it doesn't make the truth any less real.
4. YOU Must Be Your Own Advocate and Do Your Own Research
If you don't like your doctor, change doctors. And don't feel bad about your decision. This is YOUR life. Your doctors will give you a plan but they don't live with it like
you do- trust your instincts and do your own research. Be responsible for your own self. I know it's a mountain, but you are capable of this!
5. Diabetes Doesn't Have to be a Death Sentence...
...but It's Still Okay to Cry
A couple weeks ago I tested my blood sugar and even after I thought I had done everything right, I was still high as a kite. Insert <<insta-tears>> here. Why me? Why didn't it work? What did I do wrong? And the most important question... why can't I just enjoy Mexican food anymore?! It's okay and normal to feel frustrated- crying is acceptable! So is hating this disease. It's awful. It's stressful. And it never sleeps or lets up. Accept it, feel it, live it and then learn to move on from that moment.
6. Discipline is Crucial and Don't Let Others Make You Feel Guilty For It
You don't eat the homemade cookies at work (here I go with the cookies again...) because of what it
will do to your blood sugar, not because you are worried about gaining a
few extra pounds. Don't let others make you feel guilty for choosing a salad over a sandwich. If you don't want to eat the carbs that day, don't eat them. Their issues with food are not yours- let them go.
7. Learn to Trust, Let Go and Laugh (for life cannot be controlled)
Relying
on something to keep you alive is
so scary! When I've accidentally left the house without my insulin or testing
supplies, I've never felt more dependent in my whole life. And even
though I'd like to think I can go through life jumping all these hurdles alone, feeling
vulnerable in those moments has taught me how to let go and trust a bit
more in all
areas of my life. It's okay to rely on other people. Build a support system and cherish those who are a part of it.
8. Make Type 1 Friends, but Try to Find a Connection Between the Two of You That Isn't Diabetes Related
Plain and simple, because you are not defined by your diabetes and there is so much more to life.
Speaking of life...
9. Life is Short, With or Without Diabetes (so make sure you cherish every moment)
One day you will wake up and there won't be any time left to do the things you've always wanted to do. (-Paulo Coelho) This is true for everyone, not just us type 1's (but don't let diabetes steal your sunshine). Learn to truly LIVE and to truly LOVE- the possibilities are endless.
10. Don't Ever Accept the Status Quo that We'll Have Diabetes Forever
**It's a dangerous thing to be content with something you're not happy with. Read that line again. And again if you have to. It's a dangerous thing to be content with something you're not happy with.
I encourage you to get involved in a cause and look into donating or volunteering your time and/or services. Be the voice of the future. Just because there isn't a cure now does not mean there will never be one. We have the power to get involved in events that raise funds and awareness, that support research in finding a cure. Don't rely on the doctors and scientists to be the only ones actively seeking new cures and treatments. You don't have to have gone to medical school to influence the diabetes community. There are plenty of ways to get involved.
Be an active participant in your own life and find a way to see the silver linings that are always around us!
xo,
T
rose colored glasses
if a writer falls in love with you, you can never die
